"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror. The person who shows you everything that is holding you back. The person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."
~Elizabeth Gilbert
Above my desk at work I have this little cartoon of a dog tied to a tree with a paint brush in his paw...when he tries to reach the easel, the leash stops him just shy of getting his brush on the canvas. I've had it there for years...
I look at that cartoon each day.
It is very symbolic of the struggle I have internally: Wanting to 'break free' and just paint, and write, and take photographs, and go to art classes...yet, bound to the tree: the real world of a 30 year career in real estate which has fed me well....in which I do very well...for which i have so much for which to be grateful for. Therein lies the rub.
I love the creative side that being Chip's partner has allowed me to pursue these past few years. The social networking...designing brochures, advertising campaigns....postcards, websites, blogging...Seldom does a real estate agent "slash" artist get to express herself, as I have been able to do these past 3 decades, in so many ways. I consider myself very fortunate. Yet, it's that canvas that I can't reach that I keep tugging towards. Here's an example: Just this week, my wonderful husband thought he would surprise me by having a sign made for the red pick up truck with my name & number, blog address and logo. He was so excited to surprise me. It was such a thoughtful gesture...the only problem is, I freaked out...completely went to pieces...I wasn't angry...in fact i don't think I have loved my husband more than at that very moment...and it made me sadder than I can even describe to disappoint him. I wasn't ready to announce that to the whole wide world. Oh, I thought I was ready...I thought I had "jumped" off the cliff---obviously I hadn't. Instead I have thought of every conceivable reason why I cannot possibly drive around town 'exposing my true identity'...I wanted a nice little magnetic sign...you know, something I could put on and take off until I was ready for something more permanent. Instead of it freeing me to be who I am, it just felt like it added more pressure for me to become The Red Pick Up ARTIST before I was really ready. I know it is fear-based. I am just plain scared. It's what I want, but I have been struggling to touch that canvas for so long, that being given permission to actually do it makes me wonder what will happen if I don't have the tree anymore...
I am blessed that Chip is my soul mate...I think I'll go paint now.
